From the 'you can't make this up' department...

Every once in a while, the common man trying to make ends meet has one of those surreal run-ins with naked American capitalism and 'corporate speak' that practically borders on incredulity. I think it was my turn yesterday evening. Leafing through the letters in our mailbox, I came across a letter from a prominent credit card company that seemed to explain some changes that they had instituted in our credit card accounts.

Here is some background: My wife and I own a couple of credit cards. We use it mostly for the convenience - as in not having to carry wads of cash in ones back pocket. All of our accounts are paid in full at the end of every billing cycle and we have never had an outstanding balance thus far. We have had one late fee applied when we missed the bill in the mail because we were out of the country on vacation.

Well, what would one expect from a credit card company for such 'good' behavior... The letter I recieved has been scanned in full below and is what we got as our 'reward' - for lack of a better word. The funny thing is the tone they adopted in letting us know about changes to our account smacked of "we will be exceedingly polite in telling you of the changes to your account, yet, we plan on screwing you over so thoroughly that you will hardly realize that you have been raped”…

Important Account Price Change Notification

Like all companies large and small, our pricing has to be responsive to the business and economic environment. As a result, we have found it necessary to increase rates and fees on some of our products. Below are the principal changes to your account:

• We are changing your Annual Percentage Rate (APR) on purchases from a fixed rate to a variable rate. This change will result in an increase to your APR.
• We are raising the Annual Percentage Rate (APR) on cash advances.
• We are raising the Annual Percentage Rate (APR) on any balances that have a penalty rate because of a late payment.
• We are increasing the late fee. Please remember that you can avoid late fees by paying on time.

In addition, we are pleased to let you know that we will not charge you a fee if you go over your credit limit. Don't forget, it's still important to keep your balance under your credit limit.

These changes apply to existing balances and fixture balances on your Account. They go into effect for billing periods that begin on or after October 1, 2009, unless otherwise noted. Please refer to the Notice of Changes to Your Account on the back of this letter for the complete description of these changes.

You can find useful tips and information about managing your account, such as viewing your outstanding balance, as well as making payments at any time, free of charge, by logging on to XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. com/managernyaccount.

Thank you for being a Cardmember. We look forward to continuing to serve you.

I love the part that says, “we are pleased to let you know that we will not charge you a fee if you go over your credit limit”

Even the last sentence is a classic: “Thank you for being a Cardmember. We look forward to continuing to serve you.”

I plan on cancelling these cards as of this evening...